Fiona's Journey Read online

  “What’s that?” Benny looked at him with big eyes.

  “It’s a huge rock where a lot of people on the wagon trains have climbed up to carve their names on it.”

  “Can we do that, Uncle Clint?”

  “I don’t see why not.”

  “Of course you can,” Zeke said. “Chimney Rock is big enough for thousands of signatures.”

  “Really?” Joey’s eyes got big.

  “Yes, Joey. It’s at least a mile around it.”

  “Really?” Benny asked this time.

  “It sure is.”

  “Have you put your name on it, Mr. Zeke?”

  “I sure have, Joey. I put it on the first time I took a wagon train to Oregon.”

  “What’s so special about it?” Fiona asked, joining the conversation.

  “It’s called Independence Rock because if we get there by July Fourth, it means we’ll make it through the mountains before the weather gets too bad.”

  “When will we get there?” Benny asked.

  “It’ll be a while. We’ll come to Fort Laramie first, but when we get there you can put your whole family’s name on it.”

  “Uncle Clint, can we put Aunt Rose’s name on Chimney Rock?”

  “Yes, Joey. I think that’s a good idea.”

  Hope let out a little cry and both Fiona and Clint stood. She put her hand on his shoulder. “You stay here and talk to Zeke, Clint. I’ll take care of her. She’s probably wet and hungry. It’s about time for her night bottle.”

  When Fiona had Hope satisfied and back to sleep, she glanced out of the wagon. Zeke was gone and she heard Joey and Clint getting ready to go to bed in the tent. She decided she might as well get ready for bed, too. Slipping out of her dress and putting her nightgown over her head, she made herself comfortable on the mattress. She thought she might have a rough time going to sleep, but she dozed off quickly.

  She wasn’t sure what time it was when Hope’s cry woke her. She quickly got up and took the baby in her arms. “Is your tummy hurting again, my love?” she spoke softly to the baby. “I’ll give you some of the medicine Granny Weatherbee brought.”

  Fumbling until she got her hand on the lantern, she lit it and then looked for the bottle she’d made with the herb. She then sat down and cuddled Hope in her lap. “Here, sweetheart. See if this makes you feel better.”

  Hope sucked quickly and in a matter of minutes she was falling back to sleep. “Oh, Hope. You’re such a precious baby. I hope you have a good life. I’ll do everything in my power to make it good for you. I know your daddy will, too. I just don’t know how we’re both going to fit into your life.”

  “Is she all right?” Clint whispered.

  Fiona jumped and looked around at him. “She’s fine. I’m sorry if she woke you.”

  “I wasn’t sleeping very well anyway.” He climbed in the wagon and dropped to the mattress beside her. “Sometimes I keep playing the shooting over and over in my mind and it keeps me awake.”

  Fiona pulled the bottle out of the sleeping baby’s mouth, burped her, and eased her back into her crate. “There was nothing you could have done to change things, Clint. I thought you’d accepted that.”

  “Logically, I have, but sometimes I can’t turn my thoughts off.”

  “Sometimes I can’t either.” She tucked the blanket around Hope and sat back down. “Maybe eventually we can both accept it.”

  “I’m so glad you’re here to help me through this, Fiona.”

  “I’m glad I’m here for you, too, Clint.” She reached out and touched his arm. “I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

  He didn’t say anything. Instead he turned to her and looked into her eyes. “Do you mean that, Fiona?”

  “Yes,” she whispered.

  He looked at her what for seemed a long time then without warning, he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. At first the kiss was gentle and she knew it was a kiss of friendship. Then he became more passionate. His tongue teased her mouth to open for him and he pulled her tighter against him.

  She knew they should stop, but she was weakening. It felt so good in his arms. So right.

  His kisses grew deeper as he slipped his hand inside the neck of her gown and pushed it off her shoulder, exposing her breast. He gently began to massage it as he dipped his head and kissed her lightly. He took it into his mouth and teased it with his tongue.

  “Oh, Fiona,” he whispered. “I’ve never wanted a woman the way I want you.”

  “Clint...I...”

  Hope let out a whimper and she jerked away from him. “Stop, Clint.”

  “I can’t, Fiona...please...”

  “No.” She pushed him from her. “Go back to your tent. I have to take care of the baby.”

  “But...”

  Hope cried out.

  “Please, Clint.” She jerked her gown back to her shoulder and turned to the baby.

  Clint stood. “I’m sorry, Fiona.”

  She didn’t answer and he left without saying anything else.

  * * * *

  Clint and Fiona said very little to each other the next day. He took care of the stock. She cooked their meals and spent the rest of the time in the wagon with Hope.

  It was almost time to stop for the day when Fiona climbed onto the seat beside Clint. “Do you mind?”

  “Why do you always ask? You know I don’t mind at all.”

  “I guess I’m only trying to be polite.” She tied her floppy hat under her chin. “Where’s Joey?”

  Clint pointed to the boys walking beside the wagon and hitting a ball with a big stick. “I think they’re having a good time.”

  She nodded. “We need to talk, Clint.”

  “I’m sorry about my actions last night, Fiona. It won’t happen again.”

  “It was as much my fault as yours, Clint. If Hope hadn’t cried...”

  “Don’t blame yourself.” He reached up and pulled his hat over his eyes. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time.”

  “And I’ve wanted you to kiss me.”

  He turned toward her with a frown. “What do you mean?”

  “I think you’re one of the most handsome and intriguing men I’ve ever met, Clint. I can’t help being attracted to you, but I can’t let it happen. I know you only want me because you miss Rose so much.”

  “No...”

  “Let me finish. I’ve fought my feelings for a long time, but I can’t give in now because you’re lonely, Clint. I can’t disrespect Rose’s memory in that way.”

  “Fiona...”

  “Please. I have to finish now that I’ve started. I know you want to get to Oregon with your daughter. When you get settled, I promise to help you raise her because I promised Rose...”

  “Hush, Fiona.” His voice was so sharp it brought tears to her eyes. “I don’t want to hear any more. It’s time for you to hear the truth about my marriage to Rose.”

  “Clint, you don’t have to explain anything to me. I know you loved her...”

  “Yes, I did, Fiona. I loved her a lot.”

  Chapter 25

  Clint reached over and took hold of Fiona’s hand. “As I said, I loved Rose a lot, but I didn’t love her in the way you think I did. Rose was my best friend.” He paused and squeezed her hand. “I’m going to start at the beginning and I don’t want you to interrupt me.”

  She nodded. “I’ll try not to.”

  He took a deep breath. “Rose and I were distant cousins. I’m not sure how distant, but somehow her mother was kin to my dad. Anyway, the family didn’t get along very well, but Rose and I were always close. Whenever we had a chance to get together, we did. She told me all her hopes and dreams and I told her mine and we always knew we could count on each other. When I was in college we saw each other often because I could make arrangements to see her when she came shopping or had lunch with a friend or whatever. We were together about once every six or eight weeks.

  “There was a girl, her name doesn’t matter, but she was t
he step-daughter of an old teacher of mine. My friend had been going out with her and so had a couple of other guys in our group. To put it nicely, she wasn’t too careful about her reputation and several of the men knew it. One night they fixed me up with her and of course I went. For some reason she decided I was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. Of course I had no such intentions. Had I wanted to settle down at the time, I certainly wouldn’t have chosen her.”

  “I’m sorry, Clint,” Fiona interrupted. “What does this have to do with Rose?”

  “I’m getting to that. Be patient.” He squeezed her hand again. “Anyway, I told the girl to forget it. I was not marriageable material. She kept trying to see me and said because we’d been to bed together meant I had to marry her. I asked her what about all the other guys she’d taken to bed. This infuriated her. She went to her father and told him I’d raped her. He had me arrested. I didn’t know what to do. I’d never been in this kind of serious trouble so I sent word to Rose. I asked her to get me a lawyer or something. Well, it turns out the girl’s father was a respected lawyer who all the judges in Baltimore were close friends with. Anyway, Rose talked her father into getting me out of jail on bail so the Larson name would be protected. Since his wife’s maiden name was Larson, he agreed. As soon as I was out, Rose helped me leave town because we knew if I went to trial, I’d end up in prison for a long time.

  “I headed west. I worked on some cattle ranches as a cowhand and learned I liked it. Eventually a friend and I went to Texas and bought a small spread. Rose and I had a secret way to correspond so I wrote and told her I was happy. She kept me posted on my case. When the girl accused another guy of rape, her father managed to make him marry her, then my case was dropped.

  “By that time I was a real cowboy and loved my life. I told Rose I never intended to come back to Baltimore. That was almost seven years ago. Then in November I got a frantic letter from Rose. Carver was molesting her and she was scared to death of him. She was afraid of what he’d eventually do. I left the ranch in my friend’s hands and headed to Baltimore. By the time I arrived, Carver had raped Rose and she was a wreck. I told her I was taking her back to Texas with me. We had almost made it to Texas when she began to suspect she was pregnant. She was very sick and we had to stop in Missouri. When we discovered she was really with child, she was devastated. I told her things would be all right. All we had to do was get married and her child would have a name. Finally she agreed it was the right thing to do.”

  Fiona pulled her hand from his and looped her arm through his. “I knew you were a special man, Clint Larson.”

  He chuckled. “I’m nothing special. I only knew I owed Rose my life. There was nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

  “I understand. I assume it was when you let her parents know about the wedding that they began to hound you to bring her back.”

  “That’s right. Rose was determined not to return home. We were in Independence when she saw this wagon train forming. She was sure it was the answer because Oregon was so far away. She didn’t think her parents would ever find her. I think you know the story from there on.”

  “I guess I do.” She took a deep breath. “What about Hope, Clint? Is she yours or...”

  He didn’t speak for a minute then he said softly, “I never touched Rose in that way, Fiona. Our marriage was in name only. We decided we’d make future plans about us later.”

  Fiona stared at him. Was he telling her the truth? What about Hope? How did he feel about raising a baby who wasn’t his? Would he want to send her away later? Or would he want Fiona to take full responsibility for her?

  Because she had to know, she asked, “What about Hope?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Nobody except you and me will ever know Hope was sired by that snake. As far as the world is concerned, she was born to me and my wife.”

  Fiona’s heart swelled. “I said it a while ago, but I have to repeat it. You’re a special man, Clint.”

  “Thank you, Fiona, but I’m nothing special. Most anyone would have done what I did.”

  “I doubt that. What man would give up his freedom and a ranch he loves for a cousin?”

  “Look what you’ve given up for Joey. You didn’t hesitate to get him away from those who wanted to cause him harm. I’m sure you’d do it again.”

  “You’re right. I love Joey. He’s like my own son. And Hope is beginning to feel like my daughter.”

  “Neither child could ask for a better mother.”

  “I’ll do my best for them.”

  “So will I, Fiona. Together we’ll make sure they have a good life.”

  She didn’t answer because the signal came down for the wagons to circle. It was time to make camp for the night.

  * * * *

  Clint built the fire with wood and buffalo chips Joey had found. Fiona hung the big kettle over the flames and put the vegetable stew in it she’d prepared. She decided she wouldn’t tackle biscuits. It still seemed too soon after Rose’s death and she didn’t want to dredge up sad memories. She decided to make johnnycakes.

  While she fed Hope, Clint took the long spoon and stirred the soup. Joey watched to make sure the bread didn’t burn. When the coffee was ready, Clint poured a cup for Fiona and himself. He gave Joey a glass of milk.

  Hope was over her colic and she decided to stay awake after eating. Joey sat beside Fiona and seemed to be fascinated by the gurgles the baby was making.

  “I think she grinned at me, Aunt Fiona.”

  “She probably did, Joey. She seems to like it when you talk to her.”

  “Hi, Hope,” he said. “I’m not sure, but I think I’m your big brother.”

  “She couldn’t ask for a better big brother, Joey,” Clint said.

  “Hello, folks.” A big man with a full beard walked up to their campfire. “I’m not sure if you remember me, but I’m Cletus Johnson.”

  “I remember you. Your wife gave me a bottle for Hope,” Fiona said.

  Clint stuck out his hand. “We’ve met, but I don’t think we’ve had much time to talk.”

  “I know it hasn’t been long since you’ve dealt with your tragedy, but I wanted to let you know we’re going to meet in front of my wagon tonight. There’ll be some music and dancing. It might do you folks some good to come for a while.”

  “Maybe we will,” Clint said. “It might be good for all of us.”

  “I’m not sure,” Fiona said. “The baby...”

  “Don’t worry about the baby, ma’am. There’s lots of women folk who’d like to hold her for a little while.”

  “Then maybe we’ll come for a short time.”

  “Good. We’ll look forward to seeing you.” He walked over to the Watson’s wagon.

  Fiona stood. “If you’ll take Hope, I’ll serve supper.”

  “Don’t bother.” He waved her back to the blanket she was sitting on. “Joey and I will serve you tonight, won’t we, son?”

  “Sure.” Joey jumped up and ran to Clint’s side.

  * * * *

  The people in front of the Johnson’s wagon were already dancing and laughing when Clint and Fiona walked up with the Watsons.

  “That man’s pretty good on the fiddle, ain’t he?” Rufus asked.

  “He sure is,” Clint answered.

  “You going to do some dancing, Clint?” Mattie looked at him.

  “I might if you’ll do me the honor.”

  “Why, I’d be pleasured to dance with you.” Mattie laughed. “It’s been a long time since I danced with a young, good looking man.”

  “Now wait a minute, woman.” Rufus laughed.

  “Now, Rufus, I’m not saying I don’t like dancing with you, ’cause I do. But I have a chance to dance with this young fellow here and I’m going to take it.”

  “Well, Rufus, it looks like they’re going to dance so why don’t we find a seat.”

  “Fine with me, Fiona. It’s been a long time since I set out a dance with a pretty young woman.”


  “Listen to him, Clint,” Mattie said. “I bet the old rascal is trying to make me jealous.”

  “Then turn about is fair play.” He took Mattie’s arm. “Shall we dance?”

  Clint not only danced with Mattie, he danced with Sarah and Hannah. He danced with Nina Fritz. Then he persuaded Granny Weatherbee to go out into the circle of dancers and everyone stood back and began to applaud.

  When Fiona said she was about ready to go put Hope to bed, he insisted she dance at least one dance with him.

  “Go on, honey. I’ll hold little Hope.” Mattie took the child from her.

  The musician played a waltz and Fiona felt wonderful in Clint’s arms. He was a good dancer and she sensed his every move as he swung her around to the music. For a while she let all her tension drain away and enjoyed herself.

  When the dance was over, Zeke stood and said, “Folks, I know we’re all having a good time, but I’ve been noticing lightening in the distance. Storms come up fast out here so I think we’d all better get to our wagons and get things batted down. Be sure the horses are tied to the wagon tongues and you have things secure so they don’t blow away. The wind can get strong.”

  Everyone took Zeke at his word and headed back to their wagons. “Did you enjoy it, folks?” Mattie asked when they were almost back to their camps.

  “I did,” Fiona said. “It was a good thing to do.”

  Clint said. “I think we both needed it.”

  “See you folks in the morning,” Rufus said as they wandered to their wagon.

  Fiona handed Clint the baby. “Do you mind if I visit the bushes for a minute.”

  “Of course not. I’ll wait right here. I know you like to put Hope down.”

  “I won’t fuss at you if you give her a bottle.”

  He laughed. “I’ll do that.”

  Joey came running up. “I’ll get it for you, Uncle Clint. I know where she keeps them.”

  Fiona saw her floppy hat hanging on the side of the wagon. Afraid it would get wet if it rained, she tied it around her neck and let it hang down her back.

  Clint laughed. “You think I might throw your hat in the fire if you leave it here?”

  “It’d be like you to do that.” She smiled at him and disappeared around the wagon.